Lazy post today. But saw this comic on my feed, and it resonates! Definitely feeling like I should be working harder, and also feeling bad for not being as productive, hence not fully relaxing 😆
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Day 26: COVID19 Dreams
I am a vivid dreamer if I remember them. During this four week lockdown, I have had COVID19 related dreams. Here are three short ones.
Dream 1: The first dream I remember was from one night leading up to Easter. In my dream, I decided that I wanted to go to church on Easter (despite knowing all church services were cancelled). I made an argument in my mind, that no one will be there and that it would be safe! So I went to St. Mary's of the Angels (the church I go to in Wellington). When I arrived there, people were preparing for mass! The priests were on the entrance wearing their robes etc. I was befuddled! In my head, I was frustrated. Why wasn't I informed that a mass was going to take place? Everyone else seemed to act like it was normal. But I was still afraid of catching the virus, so I went up to the second floor to view the activities from afar. Suddenly, everyone had the same idea, and people started crowding to get up to where I was. And I just was afraid to be in contact with people. I found an escape, squeezed through small pathways out of the church, and ran! Then I woke up.
Dream 2: In my dream, I was on an airplane. I was on a 'mercy flight' to the Philippines. But because the flights were so scarce, I needed to transit somewhere else to catch my flight back to the Philippines. While on the plane, I didn't know where we will land and transit. Finally, the plane landed and I disembarked and was informed that we were in London. I never transitted or flew out of London Heathrow (so I don't really know what the airport looks like). The airport was busy, everyone was trying to catch their mercy flights back to their home countries. I was looking for my transit gate, it was supposed to be on the ground floor (I was on the second). I looked at the signs, and for some reason, my gate was nowhere to be seen. I went to various ground floor gates, taking escalators and had a hard time finding my gate. Finally, I found my gate, but no one was there. I was informed by the ground crew that the last flight out to the Philippines just left. Then I woke up.
Dream 3: I dreamt that I was back in our room in Manila. I remember the yellow walls and the two single beds. On the floor were Settlers of Catan tiles and tokens. Martha and Emil were sitting on the floor, and we just finished a game. We were laughing. It was time to have lunch, so we started packing up, putting the tokens in small ziplock bags. Then I asked myself, why am I in the Philippines? 'I know I'm in New Zealand, this must be a dream.' But I felt like I'm really there with them. The layout of the room looked like the way I remembered it. I could see what my siblings were wearing, I was touching the tiles and putting them back in the box. Then I convinced myself I was back in Manila, then I started thinking, 'If I'm here, then I can't go back to New Zealand because of the lockdown'. Then I woke up.
I don't really put much meaning to my dreams. I think they simply reflect some of the experiences and worries we have during the day.
Dream 1: The first dream I remember was from one night leading up to Easter. In my dream, I decided that I wanted to go to church on Easter (despite knowing all church services were cancelled). I made an argument in my mind, that no one will be there and that it would be safe! So I went to St. Mary's of the Angels (the church I go to in Wellington). When I arrived there, people were preparing for mass! The priests were on the entrance wearing their robes etc. I was befuddled! In my head, I was frustrated. Why wasn't I informed that a mass was going to take place? Everyone else seemed to act like it was normal. But I was still afraid of catching the virus, so I went up to the second floor to view the activities from afar. Suddenly, everyone had the same idea, and people started crowding to get up to where I was. And I just was afraid to be in contact with people. I found an escape, squeezed through small pathways out of the church, and ran! Then I woke up.
Dream 2: In my dream, I was on an airplane. I was on a 'mercy flight' to the Philippines. But because the flights were so scarce, I needed to transit somewhere else to catch my flight back to the Philippines. While on the plane, I didn't know where we will land and transit. Finally, the plane landed and I disembarked and was informed that we were in London. I never transitted or flew out of London Heathrow (so I don't really know what the airport looks like). The airport was busy, everyone was trying to catch their mercy flights back to their home countries. I was looking for my transit gate, it was supposed to be on the ground floor (I was on the second). I looked at the signs, and for some reason, my gate was nowhere to be seen. I went to various ground floor gates, taking escalators and had a hard time finding my gate. Finally, I found my gate, but no one was there. I was informed by the ground crew that the last flight out to the Philippines just left. Then I woke up.
Dream 3: I dreamt that I was back in our room in Manila. I remember the yellow walls and the two single beds. On the floor were Settlers of Catan tiles and tokens. Martha and Emil were sitting on the floor, and we just finished a game. We were laughing. It was time to have lunch, so we started packing up, putting the tokens in small ziplock bags. Then I asked myself, why am I in the Philippines? 'I know I'm in New Zealand, this must be a dream.' But I felt like I'm really there with them. The layout of the room looked like the way I remembered it. I could see what my siblings were wearing, I was touching the tiles and putting them back in the box. Then I convinced myself I was back in Manila, then I started thinking, 'If I'm here, then I can't go back to New Zealand because of the lockdown'. Then I woke up.
I don't really put much meaning to my dreams. I think they simply reflect some of the experiences and worries we have during the day.
Thursday, April 16, 2020
Day 25: Meetings and writing
Today is an okay day. I got a decent one hour of reading and writing in the morning. One hour does not equate to much, but it's still something. Had a couple of meetings spread out between late morning and late afternoon. In between, I did some mundane work like writing meeting minutes and sending out emails. My list of things to do is still way longer than the things I have accomplished. But still, it was okay. I got some work done.
Day 24: Missing Aikido
Practising aikido is one of the things that I miss doing during this lockdown. I was very fortunate to have been able to participate in the 50th Anniversary Gasshuku of Shinryukan Aikido early this March!
We were very lucky in many ways.
First, the timing was just right. The event pushed through only a few days after New Zealand had its first confirmed COVID19 case. Had the event been scheduled one week later, a lot of the international delegates would not have been able to come because of border restrictions. If it had been two weeks later, the event would have been cancelled because of the restrictions on large gatherings.
Second, I think it is also very fortunate that no one got sick. I guess, at that time, COVID19 had just entered New Zealand and was not yet spreading in the communities. I would imagine that an aikido event, given that aikido is a close contact martial art, would be a hotspot for spreading the virus.
Third, it was the last international event of waka sensei - Moriteru Ueshiba before international border closures and restrictions happened because of COVID19. He is the son of the current doshu (head of aikido). We were very fortunate to train with him! He moves really beautifully.
I want to give credit to the organisers for making sure the event had good health and safety standards. They did a great job in organising the gasshuku.
Here are some photos from the event of me and my mates. All photos in this blog are credit to Christian Kleiman and Aikido Shinryukan. More incredible photos from Christian's website.
We were very lucky in many ways.
First, the timing was just right. The event pushed through only a few days after New Zealand had its first confirmed COVID19 case. Had the event been scheduled one week later, a lot of the international delegates would not have been able to come because of border restrictions. If it had been two weeks later, the event would have been cancelled because of the restrictions on large gatherings.
Second, I think it is also very fortunate that no one got sick. I guess, at that time, COVID19 had just entered New Zealand and was not yet spreading in the communities. I would imagine that an aikido event, given that aikido is a close contact martial art, would be a hotspot for spreading the virus.
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| Easily 300 people on the mat! © Christian Kleiman / Aikido Shinryukan |
Third, it was the last international event of waka sensei - Moriteru Ueshiba before international border closures and restrictions happened because of COVID19. He is the son of the current doshu (head of aikido). We were very fortunate to train with him! He moves really beautifully.
I want to give credit to the organisers for making sure the event had good health and safety standards. They did a great job in organising the gasshuku.
Here are some photos from the event of me and my mates. All photos in this blog are credit to Christian Kleiman and Aikido Shinryukan. More incredible photos from Christian's website.
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| © Christian Kleiman / Aikido Shinryukan |
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| © Christian Kleiman / Aikido Shinryukan |
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| © Christian Kleiman / Aikido Shinryukan |
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| © Christian Kleiman / Aikido Shinryukan |
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Day 23: Unproductive guilt of unproductivity
Technically, today is a University holiday. But I want to make up for the past week's lack of productivity, so I set out to do some work (to my disdain).
It's a vicious cycle: I want to be productive, but I'm not productive (because I'm distracted), then I feel guilty for not being productive. Then it makes me aim to be more productive the next day, which realistically won't be achieved!
I wish I could just get rid of the productivity bug and stop having such a high expectation of myself amid this pandemic.
I guess the first step is acceptance. I need to acknowledge that I won't produce the outputs I want. Then just to slowly keep on chipping away with some work bit by bit.
Kia kaha, everyone! Be gentle and forgiving to yourself.
It's a vicious cycle: I want to be productive, but I'm not productive (because I'm distracted), then I feel guilty for not being productive. Then it makes me aim to be more productive the next day, which realistically won't be achieved!
I wish I could just get rid of the productivity bug and stop having such a high expectation of myself amid this pandemic.
I guess the first step is acceptance. I need to acknowledge that I won't produce the outputs I want. Then just to slowly keep on chipping away with some work bit by bit.
Kia kaha, everyone! Be gentle and forgiving to yourself.
Day 22: Barkada online
Who would have thought that in a few months things would drastically change! Just in January, we were enjoying summer at the beach. We hung out after work, grabbing dinner, drinking coffee and beer afterwards. These gatherings were not for special occasions, it was just spending time together! Little did we know that this would change by March.
I'm grateful for my friends. They really helped me leading up to the lockdown. I was pressed with anxiety in preparation for my defence, and at the same time, we were quickly changing to a new lifestyle. Our first Zoom call as a group of friends (along with my sister and boyfriend) was for my mock presentation, it was 19th March, a day before my defence! They gave me the encouragement I needed!
We had another Zoom call on Easter Monday. This time it was to help another PhD student to prepare for his proposal defence. I love this group because, although they are silly at times, everyone is really supportive. Hanging out with this group is always filled with laughter, whether online or on an actual meet-up.
Looking forward to better times where we can hang-out in a cafe-bar again.
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| At our usual hangout place |
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| Day trip at Days Bay |
I'm grateful for my friends. They really helped me leading up to the lockdown. I was pressed with anxiety in preparation for my defence, and at the same time, we were quickly changing to a new lifestyle. Our first Zoom call as a group of friends (along with my sister and boyfriend) was for my mock presentation, it was 19th March, a day before my defence! They gave me the encouragement I needed!
We had another Zoom call on Easter Monday. This time it was to help another PhD student to prepare for his proposal defence. I love this group because, although they are silly at times, everyone is really supportive. Hanging out with this group is always filled with laughter, whether online or on an actual meet-up.
Looking forward to better times where we can hang-out in a cafe-bar again.
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Day 21: Happy Easter
Happy Easter! Today I celebrated Easter with my family in Manila, Cotabato, and Seattle! We all can't physically go to mass, but we all tuned in to the 10AM Manila Cathedral Easter Sunday online mass.
The priest challenged everyone watching to find some good value out of our lockdown situation. He highlighted that Lent this year was imposed on us, it has brought everyone to sacrifice a busy lifestyle for a simpler one. For the past 40 days, we stripped away from our busy-ness, the lockdown gave us more time to listen, to pray, and to be caring and loving to others.
One thing I value out of this lockdown is growing closer with my family. Despite being in different cities and in different situations, we are all experiencing the effects of COVID19. Through our group chat, we allow each other to have a platform to lay down worries and anxieties. We also provide each other prayers, words of encouragement, and also entertainment through sharing music and photos.
Easter is about hope. Easter shows us that there is light despite the darkness we are experiencing. There can be good out of these times. I know the future is uncertain, but I am hopeful.
Christ is risen, Alleluia!
The priest challenged everyone watching to find some good value out of our lockdown situation. He highlighted that Lent this year was imposed on us, it has brought everyone to sacrifice a busy lifestyle for a simpler one. For the past 40 days, we stripped away from our busy-ness, the lockdown gave us more time to listen, to pray, and to be caring and loving to others.
One thing I value out of this lockdown is growing closer with my family. Despite being in different cities and in different situations, we are all experiencing the effects of COVID19. Through our group chat, we allow each other to have a platform to lay down worries and anxieties. We also provide each other prayers, words of encouragement, and also entertainment through sharing music and photos.
Easter is about hope. Easter shows us that there is light despite the darkness we are experiencing. There can be good out of these times. I know the future is uncertain, but I am hopeful.
Christ is risen, Alleluia!
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